Why Am I Blogging?

That's a good question.  To make money is probably a good place to start.  My readers will note a few strategically placed ads alongside the posts of this blog.  Hopefully, over the long run, those ads will be what pays the bills.  But, it takes a LOT of page views to get to the point where you are making a living from blog advertising...like, so many it makes my head spin.

So, that means I have a lot of writing to do.  I've also been meaning to journal a lot more often.  Although this probably isn't the best place for my private thoughts and feelings, it's 2013, so what the hell...might as well get it all out there on the internet.

This blog, "Back on Track Tomorrow," may seem a bit disjointed at times...jumping from one topic to the next.  That's okay...that's kind of how my life is at the moment...and it is my blog, afterall. :)

Why is Verizon Wireless SOOO Expensive?!

Back in March, I qualified for a Verizon Wireless cell phone...my first non-prepaid phone of my adult life.  So far, I have been pleased with the service.  My wireless coverage always works when and where it is supposed to, and the one time there was a problem with my phone, a representative at the Verizon Wireless store promptly replaced my phone and fixed the problem.

Just about everything is better with Verizon than Virgin Mobile, my previous prepaid cell phone provider.  The one thing that is definitely NOT better is the price, though.  With Virgin Mobile, I was paying about $45 per month for all the data and voice minutes I need.  With Verizon, to get the same amount of data, I am paying $100 per month just for my cell phone service.

I don't know about you, but paying $100/month for my cell phone just seems absolutely outrageous to me.  And the way the Verizon Wireless plans are set up, they penalize people who only have one phone by charging them the most per line.   My guess is this applies to the majority of Verizon subscribers.

I was able to get a 10% discount on my Verizon bill because I am an employee for Darden restaurants....but this has lowered my bill to a still-high $90.  Verizon....I love your service, but I sure do hate your prices.  I still have another 18 months in my Verizon contract....I'm hoping that at the end of my cell phone term I'll be able to shop around a bit and find a better price.

Anxiety Ridden

The past few days have been awful.  I've been anxiety ridden beyond belief.  I can't stop thinking....about all the ways I'm failing....about how to succeed in life....and definitely about him.  Its like my brain wasn't wired with an "off" switch.

Thank God for Klonopin....it really has been my saving grace in terms of being able to function, sleep, and basically not just living one big panic attack.  Gotta talk to the shrink about staying on it, because I don't know what I would do without my "rescue medication."

For today though....fuck it.  I'm drinking wine and turning up and just forgetting about all this shit.  Until tomorrow, of course.

When Too Many Points is a Bad Thing

So, many of you know that several months ago I started doing the Weight Watchers plan on my own....just using guide books, the PointsPlus calculator, and paper trackers.  That went well for several weeks, I dropped more than 10 pounds, and then--like things often go in my life--I lost interest.

At the beginning of September 2013, I got on the scale and realized that not only had I gained my ten pounds back, but I had also put on even more weight on top of that.  I'm not getting any younger...and honestly, I'm just sick of NEVER having had the body I really want, so I've decided to give Weight Watchers a more serious try.

At the beginning of September, Weight Watchers had a special offer where if you bought one month of their Monthly Pass program, the second month would be free.  This seemed like a good deal to me, so I signed up.  My Weight Watchers Monthly Pass gets me access to the Weight Watchers eTools website, which I can use to track my food.  The Monthly Pass also covers the cost of attending Weight Watchers meetings.

I'm definitely the kind of guy to get what I pay for, so I decided to start attending Weight Watchers meetings regularly.  I've enjoyed attending the meetings...my Weight Watchers leader is really nice and so are the other meeting attendees.  I enjoy the group discussion aspect of the meetings, and learn a lot from hearing others people's experiences.

On the PointsPlus tracking side of things (that would be what I am eating), things aren't going so well at all.  My daily PointsPlus target is 37 Points, which I understand is actually a lot compared to other program members.  But honestly, I can eat/drink that much before noon, let alone the whole day.

I try hard to restrict my food intake to stay within my PointsPlus allowance, but it seems like if I want even a couple of drinks of alcohol for the day it takes up most of my PointsPlus.  Slowly but surely, I see my Points racking up, and by the time the day is finished I'm 40, 50, 60, or more points from where I should be for the day.

This makes my weekly weigh-ins at the Weight Watchers center the worse.  I hate going and seeing that I'm not only not losing weight, but actually gaining weight as the weeks go on.  I feel like I am personally letting down my Weight Watchers leader and the staff at the center.  But I'm paying for these weekly meetings and weigh-ins, so I'm gonna keep going.

Last week I think I ended up 350 points more than where I was supposed to be.  Hopefully this week will be better.

Feeling Like a Bit of a Failure

I've definitely been feeling like a bit of a failure lately.  My early thirties are going by quicker than I care to think about, and the truth is that there are a lot of things wrong in my life.  I don't have my own apartment....or even my own car.  I don't have the relationship I want.  I'm certainly not pleased with my personal income.  And don't get me started on my weight.

I feel like everytime I go to make a "big change," things are so difficult and it is just so much easier to stick with the status quo.  I want a better life for myself, but I don't know if I have the willpower or patience that is going to be required to make it happen.

I'm just feeling blah tonight.  I don't want to be a loser the rest of my life, but if I don't make big moves, that's what is going to happen.  I'm going to spend the evening writing and reflecting....hopefully I'll cheer up and be in a better position to get back on track tomorrow.

Klonopin Vs. Ativan: Which Works Better for Panic Attacks?

Millions of Americans suffer from panic attacks. Sometimes, a simple anti-depressant is the only medication that is needed to put an end to these debilitating episodes. For some people, however, stronger prescription medication is required. Since the 1960s, a class of drugs known as benzodiazepines are the "gold standard" used by psychiatrists to treat people who have panic disorders.

Within the benzodiazepine class, there are many different drugs like Xanax, Valium, Ativan, and Klonopin. Ativan, also known by the generic name lorazepam, and Klonopin (whose generic name is clonazepam) are two of the most widely prescribed drugs in this class of medications. Both drugs can be habit forming, so it is important to take them only as directed by a doctor. But which medication is better at managing panic attacks?

According to the MedLine drug database, Ativan is an extremely fast acting medication. After taking a dose, your blood level of lorazepam quickly rises, and reaches it's peak within just a couple of hours. This makes it an extremely good drug for treating spur-of-the-moment panic attacks. Because it is so fast-acting, many people report feeling relief within minutes of taking Ativan. Although Ativan works quickly, the effects of the lorazepam also wear off quickly, as the drug has a half-life of 8 hours or less in most people. This means you can take it, get anxiety relief, and then have it wear off without feeling groggy or drugged later that night or the next day.

This is a double-edged sword though. Because Ativan is so fast-acting, and the half-life is so short, some people find that their panic attacks quickly return and they need more and more lorazepam to keep them at bay. Many people have found that this is not the case while taking Klonopin. With clonazepam, blood levels of the active drug rise much more slowly, which means it can take a bit longer to achieve complete relief from an actue panic attack. Once the drug is in your system, though, it has a half-life of 30 hours or more. This means that the drug is still working for more than a day after you take your last dose.


For this reason, Klonopin can be better at controlling chronic panic attacks better than Ativan. Whereas people find they need to take more and more Ativan to achieve the same symptom relief, people taking Klonopin are often able to take a dose just once a day to acheive complete symptom control. If you only have panic attacks once in a blue moon, Ativan might be a great drug to help you combat them when they do come up. But if you are having panic attacks almost daily, klonopin might be the better choice for you. As with all psychiatric medication, only a physician can tell you if lorazepam or clonazepam are right for you.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race?

I've been pretty consistent with my Partylite business for the past week or so...I've been busy writing e-mails and letters asking people to host parties.  I've gotten a few "nos" and a few "maybes", but no one has pinned down a date for a party yet.

Its hard not to get frustrated, but I'm trying to stay positive.  My SRVP didn't get to where she is in Partylite in a week....she's been in business for twenty years!  So I can't expect things to happen overnight for me.  I just wish SOMETHING would happen soon and I can get even one party on the books.  That's my goal for this weekend....hopefully by tomorrow night I'll find someone to book a candle party!