Carol Wright Sells Sex Toys??

A couple of months ago, I got nostalgic about some of the mail order catalogs I used to look at as a kid, so I got online and requested a few of my favorites: Johnson Smith, Walter Drake, and Carol Wright gifts.  The catalogs arrived and I was surprised how little they had changed since I was growing up.  They almost all had the same product mix....except for one notable exception.

In the middle of the Carol Wright catalog, right before my eyes, was a collection of "sexual aids."  These weren't discrete neck massagers either.  We are talking big purple dildo shaped vibrators, cock rings, and even penis pumps.  I saw all sorts of herbal-Viagra type products, and there was even some videos with "graphic nudity" for sale.

This struck me as odd for a minute, but then it made perfect sense.  Carol Wright is a catalog geared towards old people...old people have a sex life too.  And they are probably surprisingly unlikely to visit a sex store.  So why not sell them vibrators and clitoral pumps along with mumus and plastic furniture covers.  I might just be placing a Carol Wright order myself very soon! :)

The WORST Part About Benzodiazepines

I would say the worst part about benzodiazepine medications, like Klonopin, Xanax, and Ativan...is that they totally kill your sex drive.  Well, let me re-phrase that.  They lower your inhibition, so they can make you want to have sex.  You can even get an erection on Klonopin or Xanax (sorry if that is too much information).  But, try and try as you might, if you've taken just a bit too much of one of these drugs, you won't be able to have an orgasm.

It's weird.  You can get so close, but you won't ever be able to actually climax.  I actually found the same experience years ago in college when I was on Zoloft, which I stopped taking for other reasons.  It just amazes me how profoundly psychiatric drugs can affect sexual functioning.

Why Am I Blogging?

That's a good question.  To make money is probably a good place to start.  My readers will note a few strategically placed ads alongside the posts of this blog.  Hopefully, over the long run, those ads will be what pays the bills.  But, it takes a LOT of page views to get to the point where you are making a living from blog advertising...like, so many it makes my head spin.

So, that means I have a lot of writing to do.  I've also been meaning to journal a lot more often.  Although this probably isn't the best place for my private thoughts and feelings, it's 2013, so what the hell...might as well get it all out there on the internet.

This blog, "Back on Track Tomorrow," may seem a bit disjointed at times...jumping from one topic to the next.  That's okay...that's kind of how my life is at the moment...and it is my blog, afterall. :)

Why is Verizon Wireless SOOO Expensive?!

Back in March, I qualified for a Verizon Wireless cell phone...my first non-prepaid phone of my adult life.  So far, I have been pleased with the service.  My wireless coverage always works when and where it is supposed to, and the one time there was a problem with my phone, a representative at the Verizon Wireless store promptly replaced my phone and fixed the problem.

Just about everything is better with Verizon than Virgin Mobile, my previous prepaid cell phone provider.  The one thing that is definitely NOT better is the price, though.  With Virgin Mobile, I was paying about $45 per month for all the data and voice minutes I need.  With Verizon, to get the same amount of data, I am paying $100 per month just for my cell phone service.

I don't know about you, but paying $100/month for my cell phone just seems absolutely outrageous to me.  And the way the Verizon Wireless plans are set up, they penalize people who only have one phone by charging them the most per line.   My guess is this applies to the majority of Verizon subscribers.

I was able to get a 10% discount on my Verizon bill because I am an employee for Darden restaurants....but this has lowered my bill to a still-high $90.  Verizon....I love your service, but I sure do hate your prices.  I still have another 18 months in my Verizon contract....I'm hoping that at the end of my cell phone term I'll be able to shop around a bit and find a better price.

Anxiety Ridden

The past few days have been awful.  I've been anxiety ridden beyond belief.  I can't stop thinking....about all the ways I'm failing....about how to succeed in life....and definitely about him.  Its like my brain wasn't wired with an "off" switch.

Thank God for Klonopin....it really has been my saving grace in terms of being able to function, sleep, and basically not just living one big panic attack.  Gotta talk to the shrink about staying on it, because I don't know what I would do without my "rescue medication."

For today though....fuck it.  I'm drinking wine and turning up and just forgetting about all this shit.  Until tomorrow, of course.

When Too Many Points is a Bad Thing

So, many of you know that several months ago I started doing the Weight Watchers plan on my own....just using guide books, the PointsPlus calculator, and paper trackers.  That went well for several weeks, I dropped more than 10 pounds, and then--like things often go in my life--I lost interest.

At the beginning of September 2013, I got on the scale and realized that not only had I gained my ten pounds back, but I had also put on even more weight on top of that.  I'm not getting any younger...and honestly, I'm just sick of NEVER having had the body I really want, so I've decided to give Weight Watchers a more serious try.

At the beginning of September, Weight Watchers had a special offer where if you bought one month of their Monthly Pass program, the second month would be free.  This seemed like a good deal to me, so I signed up.  My Weight Watchers Monthly Pass gets me access to the Weight Watchers eTools website, which I can use to track my food.  The Monthly Pass also covers the cost of attending Weight Watchers meetings.

I'm definitely the kind of guy to get what I pay for, so I decided to start attending Weight Watchers meetings regularly.  I've enjoyed attending the meetings...my Weight Watchers leader is really nice and so are the other meeting attendees.  I enjoy the group discussion aspect of the meetings, and learn a lot from hearing others people's experiences.

On the PointsPlus tracking side of things (that would be what I am eating), things aren't going so well at all.  My daily PointsPlus target is 37 Points, which I understand is actually a lot compared to other program members.  But honestly, I can eat/drink that much before noon, let alone the whole day.

I try hard to restrict my food intake to stay within my PointsPlus allowance, but it seems like if I want even a couple of drinks of alcohol for the day it takes up most of my PointsPlus.  Slowly but surely, I see my Points racking up, and by the time the day is finished I'm 40, 50, 60, or more points from where I should be for the day.

This makes my weekly weigh-ins at the Weight Watchers center the worse.  I hate going and seeing that I'm not only not losing weight, but actually gaining weight as the weeks go on.  I feel like I am personally letting down my Weight Watchers leader and the staff at the center.  But I'm paying for these weekly meetings and weigh-ins, so I'm gonna keep going.

Last week I think I ended up 350 points more than where I was supposed to be.  Hopefully this week will be better.

Feeling Like a Bit of a Failure

I've definitely been feeling like a bit of a failure lately.  My early thirties are going by quicker than I care to think about, and the truth is that there are a lot of things wrong in my life.  I don't have my own apartment....or even my own car.  I don't have the relationship I want.  I'm certainly not pleased with my personal income.  And don't get me started on my weight.

I feel like everytime I go to make a "big change," things are so difficult and it is just so much easier to stick with the status quo.  I want a better life for myself, but I don't know if I have the willpower or patience that is going to be required to make it happen.

I'm just feeling blah tonight.  I don't want to be a loser the rest of my life, but if I don't make big moves, that's what is going to happen.  I'm going to spend the evening writing and reflecting....hopefully I'll cheer up and be in a better position to get back on track tomorrow.