If you asked me which moment I hate most out of every day, it would probably be the first moment when I wake up. At first glance, that may seem like a morbid and hopeless statement. Don't get me wrong...I'm happy to be alive and hope that I'll keep waking up for many, many more days to come.
But that first moment is just filled with anxiety and dread for me. I'm a worrier by nature, so there's always lots and lots of stuff racing through my mind. Somehow, I manage to suck it up, organize my mind enough, and relax enough to get through the day. Usually by dinner time I am feeling alright about things and have taken some action steps throughout the day to relieve my anxiety.
I've taken medication for years and years to help me sleep at night, so when I fall asleep, it's usually feeling like all is right with the world. Well, not really, but my worrying has subsided enough that I'm usually able to just calm down, get my thoughts in order, and then drift off to sleep.
Then I wake up and it's like...BAM! All of the things I was worried about the day before come rushing back, and it's like a jolt of adrenaline to my system. Sometimes when I wake up, I'm in all out panic mode, and I just spend like a half hour pacing, smoking or vaping, and feeling like I'm just going to die. It's absolutely awful. It's like the problems from yesterday had slowly drifted off as I went through my day yesterday, but now I just got bitch slapped with a whole new set of problems.
For now, I am just going to deal with it as I can. That's all I can do, right?? I am going to try to think of things to be optimistic about for tomorrow when I go to bed each night. That way, when I wake up the next day, I can try to focus on all of those things instead of my anxiety. Maybe I'll even start posting some of that stuff here so I can sort of put good things out into the universe to set my intention for the next day.
Now, to calm down a bit and have a productive Saturday...
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