Breaking Up (With Cigarettes) Is Hard To Do

For some reason that I can't completely remember and that was obviously stupid, I started smoking at the age of 17.  Hands down the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life.  If I had it to do all over again, I would have stayed as far away from cigarettes as humanly possible. 

Here I am, 13 years later and still smoking.  I know it's horrible for me.  There are so many other things I want and need to do with my money other than smoking cigarettes.  Yet somehow, I still have not managed to kick the habit.

I've made over a dozen quit attempts in the last decade, all of which lasted for just a few days....except for two.  When I was 25 years old, I managed to quit smoking for 22 days using the nicotine patch.  I can't remember now exactly the situation that caused me to pick up the cigarette habit again, but I did....making myself a promise that I would definitely quit by the time I turned 30.

Those five years flew by, and before you knew it, my 30th birthday was fast approaching.  I really need to be saving money to buy a car, and I'm not making much money at Olive Garden where I work, so I figured it really was a perfect time to quit.  I got all my ducks in a row this time...I put in a call to the Maryland Tobacco Quitline, and spoke to "quit coaches" several times on the phone.  I got a prescription for nicotine nasal spray from my doctor, which I was going to use along with the Nicoderm CQ patch.  My plans were all set, and on Friday, July 13, 2012, I quit smoking.

Everything was going great.  I was so excited that I had quit, and I told the good news to everyone that I knew.  I was saving a lot of money, and my health was noticeably improving.  Then, one night, I was out with friends from work, I was a little bit tipsy, people were smoking, and I stupidly decided to have "just one cigarette."  I don't even need to tell you how the story ends because you probably already know.  I was able to kick the smoking habit for 44 days before I started again.

I am so ashamed and embarrassed by the fact that I started smoking again.  People periodically ask me if I am still quit on Facebook, and I just ignore the questions because I just can't bear to respond.  I was so sure that my last quit attempt was the time I was really going to quit...and I am so disappointed in myself that it wasn't.

So I'm back to smoking a pack a day.  It's gross, it's expensive, and it's killing me.  I desperately need to quit.  I keep telling myself on an almost daily basis that I'll get "back on track" and quit smoking tomorrow.  But then tomorrow comes and all I want is that cigarette.

I got a new prescription for the nicotine nasal spray, and I'm gonna call the Maryland Tobacco Quitline again this week to talk to them about a new plan for quitting smoking.  It's not necessarily something that I want to do, but it is something that I have to do.