Thanks Obamacare

For the past several years, my medical care has been provided by the Primary Adult Care (PAC) program in Maryland.  The PAC program covered what I needed in terms of seeing my primary care physician and mental health practitioner on a regular basis.  My basic office visits were covered, in addition to most of the prescription drugs that I needed.

As in most states, Maryland's public health insurance program is changing dramatically on January 1, 2014.  I visited the Maryland Health Connection website to see what kind of coverage I would be eligible for next year, and I was pleasantly surprised to see I would now qualify for Medicaid coverage through the state of Maryland with a zero dollar premium to be paid by me.

If anyone needs free health insurance, it's me....so this was very good news.  People are saying a lot of things about Obamacare, but so far, it's okay in my book.

How to Get Adult Content on Your Roku Box

I got a Roku box because I wanted to be able to stream internet television content to my TV without the need to connect my TV to my computer.  Roku has all the standard offerings like Netflix, Pandora, Hulu, Spotify, etc.  But did you know that you can also stream adult content directly to your television using your Roku box?

Getting started is easy.  Look for the Roku link on your favorite adult website (or do a Google search for "roku porn").  From there, you should by given a "secret" private channel code.  Now, all you need to do is login to the Roku website, click "Add a Private Channel," enter your channel code, and you will be all set.  Your adult content channel will download straight to your Roku box and you will be able to access your account from your television set.

For those of you who share a Roku box with others, many adult websites offer "incognito" channels with benign titles like "Spreadsheet Tutorial.  That way, you don't have to have your entertainment choices displayed on your main menu.  The Roku box is a great way to enjoy porn on your television, and it is very easy to set up!

I'm Just Gonna Keep Walking

So, throughout all the craziness of the past several months, the one thing I have been able to maintain is my walking routine.  Thanks to the GymPact app, I have had some financial motivation to get out there and walk....and it has really worked for me.

In the past 12 weeks, I have gone on 67 walks and earned more than $20 in GymPact rewards.  I walk almost every day....some days I even go on more than one walk.  Even though my walks are only 1 mile or 1.5 miles long, I know they still burn calories and get me closer to my fitness goal.

Plus, my walks are just a great way to get out of the house and clear my mind a little bit.  I'm proud of myself for sticking with it....go me!

The Wine Loft in Pikesville: A Great Little Wine Store

As you know, I don't own my own car, so I like to patronize businesses that are within walking distance of my house.  I live in the Greene Tree community in Pikesville, so I am right behind the Woodholme Shopping Center.  I occasionally (or...more often than not), need liquor, so I was very excited when The Wine Loft, a local wine store, opened in Pikesville, Maryland so close to my house.

I have found the Wine Loft to be a very nice store.  The staff is always very friendly and helpful, and always goes out of their way to make sure I find exactly what I need.  The Wine Loft focuses on offering organic and sustainably grown wines, so I know my purchases are something that I can feel good about.  Finally, The Wine Loft in Pikesville, Maryland has extremely reasonable prices, very much in line with other local competitors, so I feel like I am getting a good deal when I shop there.

The only downside to The Wine Loft is the limited wine selection.  Although it is a moderately sized store and they do have a lot of inventory, there were several mainstream brands that I was unable to find at this Pikesville Wine Store.  But I was definitely able to find other wine I liked, so it ended up being no big deal.

Overall, I would highly recommend The Wine Loft to other Pikesville residents looking for a store to fulfill their wine needs.  Further information can be found on the Yelp Site about The Wine Loft.

Carol Wright Sells Sex Toys??

A couple of months ago, I got nostalgic about some of the mail order catalogs I used to look at as a kid, so I got online and requested a few of my favorites: Johnson Smith, Walter Drake, and Carol Wright gifts.  The catalogs arrived and I was surprised how little they had changed since I was growing up.  They almost all had the same product mix....except for one notable exception.

In the middle of the Carol Wright catalog, right before my eyes, was a collection of "sexual aids."  These weren't discrete neck massagers either.  We are talking big purple dildo shaped vibrators, cock rings, and even penis pumps.  I saw all sorts of herbal-Viagra type products, and there was even some videos with "graphic nudity" for sale.

This struck me as odd for a minute, but then it made perfect sense.  Carol Wright is a catalog geared towards old people...old people have a sex life too.  And they are probably surprisingly unlikely to visit a sex store.  So why not sell them vibrators and clitoral pumps along with mumus and plastic furniture covers.  I might just be placing a Carol Wright order myself very soon! :)

The WORST Part About Benzodiazepines

I would say the worst part about benzodiazepine medications, like Klonopin, Xanax, and Ativan...is that they totally kill your sex drive.  Well, let me re-phrase that.  They lower your inhibition, so they can make you want to have sex.  You can even get an erection on Klonopin or Xanax (sorry if that is too much information).  But, try and try as you might, if you've taken just a bit too much of one of these drugs, you won't be able to have an orgasm.

It's weird.  You can get so close, but you won't ever be able to actually climax.  I actually found the same experience years ago in college when I was on Zoloft, which I stopped taking for other reasons.  It just amazes me how profoundly psychiatric drugs can affect sexual functioning.

Why Am I Blogging?

That's a good question.  To make money is probably a good place to start.  My readers will note a few strategically placed ads alongside the posts of this blog.  Hopefully, over the long run, those ads will be what pays the bills.  But, it takes a LOT of page views to get to the point where you are making a living from blog advertising...like, so many it makes my head spin.

So, that means I have a lot of writing to do.  I've also been meaning to journal a lot more often.  Although this probably isn't the best place for my private thoughts and feelings, it's 2013, so what the hell...might as well get it all out there on the internet.

This blog, "Back on Track Tomorrow," may seem a bit disjointed at times...jumping from one topic to the next.  That's okay...that's kind of how my life is at the moment...and it is my blog, afterall. :)

Why is Verizon Wireless SOOO Expensive?!

Back in March, I qualified for a Verizon Wireless cell phone...my first non-prepaid phone of my adult life.  So far, I have been pleased with the service.  My wireless coverage always works when and where it is supposed to, and the one time there was a problem with my phone, a representative at the Verizon Wireless store promptly replaced my phone and fixed the problem.

Just about everything is better with Verizon than Virgin Mobile, my previous prepaid cell phone provider.  The one thing that is definitely NOT better is the price, though.  With Virgin Mobile, I was paying about $45 per month for all the data and voice minutes I need.  With Verizon, to get the same amount of data, I am paying $100 per month just for my cell phone service.

I don't know about you, but paying $100/month for my cell phone just seems absolutely outrageous to me.  And the way the Verizon Wireless plans are set up, they penalize people who only have one phone by charging them the most per line.   My guess is this applies to the majority of Verizon subscribers.

I was able to get a 10% discount on my Verizon bill because I am an employee for Darden restaurants....but this has lowered my bill to a still-high $90.  Verizon....I love your service, but I sure do hate your prices.  I still have another 18 months in my Verizon contract....I'm hoping that at the end of my cell phone term I'll be able to shop around a bit and find a better price.

Anxiety Ridden

The past few days have been awful.  I've been anxiety ridden beyond belief.  I can't stop thinking....about all the ways I'm failing....about how to succeed in life....and definitely about him.  Its like my brain wasn't wired with an "off" switch.

Thank God for Klonopin....it really has been my saving grace in terms of being able to function, sleep, and basically not just living one big panic attack.  Gotta talk to the shrink about staying on it, because I don't know what I would do without my "rescue medication."

For today though....fuck it.  I'm drinking wine and turning up and just forgetting about all this shit.  Until tomorrow, of course.

When Too Many Points is a Bad Thing

So, many of you know that several months ago I started doing the Weight Watchers plan on my own....just using guide books, the PointsPlus calculator, and paper trackers.  That went well for several weeks, I dropped more than 10 pounds, and then--like things often go in my life--I lost interest.

At the beginning of September 2013, I got on the scale and realized that not only had I gained my ten pounds back, but I had also put on even more weight on top of that.  I'm not getting any younger...and honestly, I'm just sick of NEVER having had the body I really want, so I've decided to give Weight Watchers a more serious try.

At the beginning of September, Weight Watchers had a special offer where if you bought one month of their Monthly Pass program, the second month would be free.  This seemed like a good deal to me, so I signed up.  My Weight Watchers Monthly Pass gets me access to the Weight Watchers eTools website, which I can use to track my food.  The Monthly Pass also covers the cost of attending Weight Watchers meetings.

I'm definitely the kind of guy to get what I pay for, so I decided to start attending Weight Watchers meetings regularly.  I've enjoyed attending the meetings...my Weight Watchers leader is really nice and so are the other meeting attendees.  I enjoy the group discussion aspect of the meetings, and learn a lot from hearing others people's experiences.

On the PointsPlus tracking side of things (that would be what I am eating), things aren't going so well at all.  My daily PointsPlus target is 37 Points, which I understand is actually a lot compared to other program members.  But honestly, I can eat/drink that much before noon, let alone the whole day.

I try hard to restrict my food intake to stay within my PointsPlus allowance, but it seems like if I want even a couple of drinks of alcohol for the day it takes up most of my PointsPlus.  Slowly but surely, I see my Points racking up, and by the time the day is finished I'm 40, 50, 60, or more points from where I should be for the day.

This makes my weekly weigh-ins at the Weight Watchers center the worse.  I hate going and seeing that I'm not only not losing weight, but actually gaining weight as the weeks go on.  I feel like I am personally letting down my Weight Watchers leader and the staff at the center.  But I'm paying for these weekly meetings and weigh-ins, so I'm gonna keep going.

Last week I think I ended up 350 points more than where I was supposed to be.  Hopefully this week will be better.

Feeling Like a Bit of a Failure

I've definitely been feeling like a bit of a failure lately.  My early thirties are going by quicker than I care to think about, and the truth is that there are a lot of things wrong in my life.  I don't have my own apartment....or even my own car.  I don't have the relationship I want.  I'm certainly not pleased with my personal income.  And don't get me started on my weight.

I feel like everytime I go to make a "big change," things are so difficult and it is just so much easier to stick with the status quo.  I want a better life for myself, but I don't know if I have the willpower or patience that is going to be required to make it happen.

I'm just feeling blah tonight.  I don't want to be a loser the rest of my life, but if I don't make big moves, that's what is going to happen.  I'm going to spend the evening writing and reflecting....hopefully I'll cheer up and be in a better position to get back on track tomorrow.

Klonopin Vs. Ativan: Which Works Better for Panic Attacks?

Millions of Americans suffer from panic attacks. Sometimes, a simple anti-depressant is the only medication that is needed to put an end to these debilitating episodes. For some people, however, stronger prescription medication is required. Since the 1960s, a class of drugs known as benzodiazepines are the "gold standard" used by psychiatrists to treat people who have panic disorders.

Within the benzodiazepine class, there are many different drugs like Xanax, Valium, Ativan, and Klonopin. Ativan, also known by the generic name lorazepam, and Klonopin (whose generic name is clonazepam) are two of the most widely prescribed drugs in this class of medications. Both drugs can be habit forming, so it is important to take them only as directed by a doctor. But which medication is better at managing panic attacks?

According to the MedLine drug database, Ativan is an extremely fast acting medication. After taking a dose, your blood level of lorazepam quickly rises, and reaches it's peak within just a couple of hours. This makes it an extremely good drug for treating spur-of-the-moment panic attacks. Because it is so fast-acting, many people report feeling relief within minutes of taking Ativan. Although Ativan works quickly, the effects of the lorazepam also wear off quickly, as the drug has a half-life of 8 hours or less in most people. This means you can take it, get anxiety relief, and then have it wear off without feeling groggy or drugged later that night or the next day.

This is a double-edged sword though. Because Ativan is so fast-acting, and the half-life is so short, some people find that their panic attacks quickly return and they need more and more lorazepam to keep them at bay. Many people have found that this is not the case while taking Klonopin. With clonazepam, blood levels of the active drug rise much more slowly, which means it can take a bit longer to achieve complete relief from an actue panic attack. Once the drug is in your system, though, it has a half-life of 30 hours or more. This means that the drug is still working for more than a day after you take your last dose.


For this reason, Klonopin can be better at controlling chronic panic attacks better than Ativan. Whereas people find they need to take more and more Ativan to achieve the same symptom relief, people taking Klonopin are often able to take a dose just once a day to acheive complete symptom control. If you only have panic attacks once in a blue moon, Ativan might be a great drug to help you combat them when they do come up. But if you are having panic attacks almost daily, klonopin might be the better choice for you. As with all psychiatric medication, only a physician can tell you if lorazepam or clonazepam are right for you.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race?

I've been pretty consistent with my Partylite business for the past week or so...I've been busy writing e-mails and letters asking people to host parties.  I've gotten a few "nos" and a few "maybes", but no one has pinned down a date for a party yet.

Its hard not to get frustrated, but I'm trying to stay positive.  My SRVP didn't get to where she is in Partylite in a week....she's been in business for twenty years!  So I can't expect things to happen overnight for me.  I just wish SOMETHING would happen soon and I can get even one party on the books.  That's my goal for this weekend....hopefully by tomorrow night I'll find someone to book a candle party!

Excited About Partylite

I'm getting back on track with my Partylite business and I'm actually really excited about it.  I love selling candles, and I'm really good at it.  The way I see it, my job at Olive Garden is kind of dead end, but with Partylite, the sky's the limit.  My income is determined by my performance, and I can earn as much as I want based on my sales efforts.

In Jack Canfield's book "The Success Principles," he talks about something called "the rule of 5."  Basically, the idea is that you take 5 action steps towards your goal every day, and that concerted and sustained effort is what will get you to your dream.  Another quote I've heard is "the universe likes momentum," and this seems to fit nicely with that.  It is easy to see where you can build momentum by taking small steps each day...every day.

So, I've been trying to put the rule of 5 to work in my Partylite candle business.  I am doing five things to promote my business each day, including making at least 3 customer contacts (the "rule" of contacting 3 people about your business each day is something I picked up from one of the direct sales companies I worked for).  I am excited about where this will lead me.

My ultimate goal is to be a Senior Regional Vice President with Partylite, which would afford me a lifestyle beyond anything I can imagine right now.  I believe it can happen, but I know its gonna take some time and a lot of hard work to reach that goal.  I love that because I own my own business with Partylite, I can get "back on track" anytime I want.

You Deserve Whatever You Want in Life

This is something I've been reading in Jack Canfield's book, and it has really struck a chord with me.  I think too often I settle for less than I'm worth....which is a reflection of my poor self esteem.  I need break that cycle and start being more assertive about what I want out of life.  That's the only way I'm going to create a life of my dreams.

Klonopin Knocks Me Out

So, my positive thinking didn't go so well today, and I ended up in a near panic attack by 4pm today.  My doctor has prescribed a very low dose of clonazepam (also known as klonopin) for panic situations, and occasionally I need to take a 0.5mg pill to feel better.

The Klonopin definitely makes me feel better and I am glad I have it.  But it really makes me sleepy and just ends up knocking me out.  I guess that is a side effect of all benzodiazepine medications, really...but it kinda sucks.  Sometimes it makes me more sleepy than others....tonight it sent me into a three hour evening nap.  Which of course means I probably won't sleep great tonight.

The good news is that it gives me time to work on other stuff...like my Partylite business and my vision board that I want to create.  But I might be a tired boy tomorrow.  Regardless, I'm determined to make tomorrow a better day.

It's Hard Not to Think About the Negative

As I've mentioned, I am a big believer in the law of attraction.  I've been reading a book called "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield, and it is really good.  I'm only about a quarter of the way through it, but one of the recurring themes is that the experiences you have are a result of the patterns of thinking you have...what you predominantly focus on is what you are going to manifest in your life.

To that end, I've really been trying to take time to just daydream and allow myself to think about what a perfect life would be like.  I feel really positive after I do that, so I know that it's good for me.

But then very real thoughts and circumstances come up during the day which suck.  Most recently, I've just been angry about a lot of things in my life.  Angry about my financial situation, angry about my relationship status...just grrrrrrr angry about a lot of stuff. x-(

If I believe in the law of attraction, which I do, I've created those situations in my life by what I've been thinking.   And to a large extent I do see where that's true...even though it is a tough pill to swallow.  But when I think about those things, which are still very real parts of my life, I feel sad, hurt, mad, etc.  Its hard to snap out of that.  Its hard to feel good about being broke or being single.

But I know that to turn things around, I need to really start to change how I look at things.  So today, that's what I'm going to try to do.

Nicotine (Nicotrol) Nasal Spray: Minimizing the Side Effects

One of the many strategies I have used to try to quit smoking is nicotine nasal spray (also known as Nictorol) can be an important part of a quit-smoking strategy.  This article, which I originally wrote for the Yahoo Contributor Network, discusses some tips and tricks to help people overcome side effects that can be caused by nicotine nasal spray.
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There are many products available to help smokers kick the cigarette habit once and for all, ranging from pills to patches to gum, and much more! One of the product available for people with an extremely addicted smokers is nicotine nasal spray, also known by its brand-name Nicotrol. Nicotine nasal spray is available by prescription only, so you must talk to a doctor before beginning its use.

Once you get a prescription for Nicotrol nasal spray, you will be able to begin using the product whenever you have a nicotine craving. Unlike the gum or the patch, the nicotine nasal spray has much more intense side effects that can catch first-time users off guard. A burning sensation, sneezing, runny nose, and watery eyes can all result from using the nicotine nasal spray to quit smoking. Luckily, there are a few simple steps you can take to minimize any potential side effects:

1) Use the spray frequently, at least 8 times per day. According to the package instructions, the body quickly becomes accustomed to Nicotrol nasal spray and side effects subside substantially when the product is used regularly. At first, you may not want to use the nasal spray that often, but it is important to use the spray at least 8 times per day to get your nasal passages accustomed to receiving nicotine.

2) Do not use Nicotrol nasal spray more frequently than directed. While you don't want to use the spray too little, you also don't want to use it too much. Make sure to follow your doctor's instructions closely in terms of what your maximum dose is, and do not exceed your dose. Doing so may worsen side effects from the medication.

3) Make sure not to sniff or inhale through your nose directly after using the nasal spray. This is one of the most important "rules" with nicotine nasal spray. When you sniff the spray high up into your nasal passages, horrible burning will be the inevitable result. Instead, you'll want to insert the tip of the spray bottle just inside the nostril, spray gently, and then refrain from sniffing for a few minutes. This will ensure that the nicotine spray stays in the lower part of the nose and not higher where it can cause more problems.

By following these very simple steps, you can minimize side effects caused by Nicotrol nasal spray, and may be able to integrate nicotine spray into your successful quitting routine. Only your doctor can decide if nicotine nasal spray is right for you, so talk to your primary care physician about quitting smoking today!

New Phone, New Post

Those of you who know me personally know I have had a lot of phones over the past several years.  Between bad service and breaking a couple of phones, I've ended up switching devices like 10 times in 4 years.

The most recent round of this was last week when my prepaid wireless provider decided to disconnect my service for "excessive data use"....which was actually like 600mb in a month and not at all excessive, but I digress.  After that happened, I decided that I was pretty much fed up with the whole prepaid cell phone thing.  I know they "run on the same networks", but the customer service is shitty....I just want a phone that works all the time, and a knowledgeable, easy-to-understand customer service rep to help me out when there's a problem.

With all that in mind, I decided I would try to get a new cell phone account with one of the "big four" carriers.  I had been previously rejected for a cell phone account thru Verizon Wireless due to my credit, but since my credit score has been improving, I decided it was worth a shot to put in another application.  This time, I was approved instantly for a Verizon Wireless account with no security deposit needed!

I was thrilled.  Previously, I had been somewhat limited in my phone choices, since prepaid cell phone carriers tend not to have the best and latest devices available.  I looked through Verizon's selection of phones with two criteria in mind....it had to be an Android phone, and it had to have a physical keyboard.  That pretty much limited my selection to two choices: the Motorola Droid 4 or the Samsung Stratosphere II.  I liked the specs on the Samsung phone better, so I picked that one. 

Better still, Verizon was selling the phone for $100, but I discovered wirefly.com was offering the same phone for free, so I placed my order through them.  My out of pocket cost for a brand new, kick ass phone was literally zero dollars!

So I'm excited.  I got a real, "grown-up" phone. And I love it.  The phone is awesome and the service works great.  It is definitely more expensive than the Straight Talk wireless service I had before, but the service is so much better and its so much less hassle that I feel the extra money is worth it.  I'm glad my credit improved enough to get a cell phone from Verizon.  Now I just have to improve it enough to get a car loan.

Starting to Get Back on Track?

Yesterday was a really good day in terms of Weight Watchers.  I kept to my PointsPlus values perfectly, and even had a few points left over at the end of the day.  I got on the scale, and I'm still at the same weight I was when I stopped using my tracker regularly--170.9 pounds.  So that's good news.  That means I'm still down 13 pounds from where I started.

I'm determined to make today a good day.  I'm going to stick to my weight loss program, and I also have lots of other things I need to get done.  I just bought a book by Jack Canfield called The Success Principles and it is really good so far.  I've been trying to focus my thoughts and intentions more recently and I can see good things already starting to happen in my life.  I'm just beginning to delve more into the New Thought and Law of Attraction teachings, so I'm starting with the people from "The Secret" film who stood out to me.  Bob Doyle and Jack Canfield are the first two that jumped out at me immediately, so I've been reading books by the two.  There's a lot of really good stuff!

I also need to get back on track with my Partylite business.  I complain about not having enough money, but I have this golden opportunity with no income limit sitting right in front of me and I don't do anything to turn that into a reality.  I love candles.  I love talking about them, learning about them, teaching people about them, and using them.  I love Partylite.  It really is a perfect "job."  I just need to get over some of my hesitation and really put the petal the metal as far as my business is concerned.

So yeah, lots to work on and keep me busy today.  I have to work this evening, so I have a good 6 hours to get things done.  If I'm gonna turn things around in my life, I need to stop letting all my free time slip away.  Today, I'm gonna try to take some really positive steps forward for me.

The Blog Post I Won't Remember

Today was a tough day.  The psychiatric nurse practitioner who I have been seeing for years left the clinic that accepts my insurance.  That meant having to find a new doctor for medication management....my first appointment with this new woman was today.

She was nice enough....but she kept asking me all these questions about things that happened years ago that I discussed at great length with my former mental health professional.  Things that aren't necessarily the most pleasant subjects to talk about.

I think over time I'll develop a good relationship with my new shrink...but it won't happen overnight.  My appointment kinda got me in a bad place thinking about a lot of negative stuff, and I just wanted to end the day early, so I took my evening meds, including my Ambien, at like 1030pm tonight, which is a full two hours early for me.

It didn't make me fall asleep.  In fact, I thought I was wide awake until I just got out of bed to get a drink.  I noticed I was a little wobbly going down stairs for a glass of water.  So I'm still trying to fall asleep...guess I'm a little loopy....I thought I'd post an update before I finally knock out for the evening.  Goodnight folks.

Using "The Secret" to Attract a New Life

A few years ago, Oprah did a couple of shows on a movie that had recently come out called "The Secret."  This wasn't a comedy or a drama....it was more of a documentary/self-help movie centered around the idea of "the law of attraction." 

For those who don't know, the law of attraction basically states that "what you think about, you bring about."  That the thoughts and feelings you hold in your mind are actually creating the reality of your life as it unfolds.  It's kind of a mind-blowing concept, and one that I want to learn & write more about.

After I first saw "The Secret," I really started to focus on applying some of the teachings to my life and some incredible things happened.  I landed a wonderful job and an awesome boyfriend....things were definitely looking up.  Then, somehow, just as things were turning around for me, I lost my way.  I stopped paying attention to what I was thinking and allowed a lot of negativity into my life....and things in my life went downhill accordingly.

I'm not sure why, but a few days ago the idea to download a copy of the movie randomly dawned on me, and I went with it.  I rewatched it, and something about it just rings so true for me.  I know that when I focus on things with lots of passion and intention, magic happens.  I have seen it in my own life.  Now, I need to learn how to put that into practice long term.

To that end, I've pulled out some of my old law of attraction books, and bought a new one, and I'm really going to spend some time thinking about how "The Secret" might be able to help me turn around some of these problem-areas in my life.  Some people might think it is quackery or new age nonsense....and that's fine for people to believe....but like I said, something about this concept just resonates with me.  It certainly can't hurt to look into it some more, and it could make all the difference in the universe. :-)

Feeling Down

Today was kind of a blah day.  I didn't follow Weight Watchers at all, and I smoked like a chimney.  When I'm feeling down, all I want to do is smoke and eat...it's so unhealthy.

But, I did find out that my credit score improved.  And I found a really good book on The Law of Attraction that I started to read.  More on both of those things later.  But for now, it's time for me to get to bed so I can try to get as many things as possible back on track tomorrow.

Breaking Up (With Cigarettes) Is Hard To Do

For some reason that I can't completely remember and that was obviously stupid, I started smoking at the age of 17.  Hands down the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life.  If I had it to do all over again, I would have stayed as far away from cigarettes as humanly possible. 

Here I am, 13 years later and still smoking.  I know it's horrible for me.  There are so many other things I want and need to do with my money other than smoking cigarettes.  Yet somehow, I still have not managed to kick the habit.

I've made over a dozen quit attempts in the last decade, all of which lasted for just a few days....except for two.  When I was 25 years old, I managed to quit smoking for 22 days using the nicotine patch.  I can't remember now exactly the situation that caused me to pick up the cigarette habit again, but I did....making myself a promise that I would definitely quit by the time I turned 30.

Those five years flew by, and before you knew it, my 30th birthday was fast approaching.  I really need to be saving money to buy a car, and I'm not making much money at Olive Garden where I work, so I figured it really was a perfect time to quit.  I got all my ducks in a row this time...I put in a call to the Maryland Tobacco Quitline, and spoke to "quit coaches" several times on the phone.  I got a prescription for nicotine nasal spray from my doctor, which I was going to use along with the Nicoderm CQ patch.  My plans were all set, and on Friday, July 13, 2012, I quit smoking.

Everything was going great.  I was so excited that I had quit, and I told the good news to everyone that I knew.  I was saving a lot of money, and my health was noticeably improving.  Then, one night, I was out with friends from work, I was a little bit tipsy, people were smoking, and I stupidly decided to have "just one cigarette."  I don't even need to tell you how the story ends because you probably already know.  I was able to kick the smoking habit for 44 days before I started again.

I am so ashamed and embarrassed by the fact that I started smoking again.  People periodically ask me if I am still quit on Facebook, and I just ignore the questions because I just can't bear to respond.  I was so sure that my last quit attempt was the time I was really going to quit...and I am so disappointed in myself that it wasn't.

So I'm back to smoking a pack a day.  It's gross, it's expensive, and it's killing me.  I desperately need to quit.  I keep telling myself on an almost daily basis that I'll get "back on track" and quit smoking tomorrow.  But then tomorrow comes and all I want is that cigarette.

I got a new prescription for the nicotine nasal spray, and I'm gonna call the Maryland Tobacco Quitline again this week to talk to them about a new plan for quitting smoking.  It's not necessarily something that I want to do, but it is something that I have to do.  

What I Don't Like About Rogaine Solution

What I don't like about Rogaine solution is the fact that it takes so long to dry.  I put it on, and then go to scratch my head like an hour later, and my fingers get all greasy because the minoxidil solution hasn't dried yet.  And, as you saw from the pictures in my previous post, I don't have much hair! It shouldn't take nearly as long to dry as it does....sometimes it can take 2 or 3 hours.  Plus, every time I rub my head and get the minoxidil solution all over my hand, I'm scared I'm going to end up with hairy palms...and everyone knows what that means.

I feel like I'm able to get more of the medicine on my scalp with Rogaine solution as opposed to Rogaine foam.  But I'm not sure if I would buy the solution again.  Although I think I'll end up using more of the foam, thus going through it faster and paying more money, the solution just doesn't seem nearly as convenient for me.  I like how quickly the foam dries and that it's not greasy.  That's worth the extra money to me. I just worry that the foam won't work as well.  Only time will tell.

Fixing My Credit Score

If you are one of the people who knows me well, you probably know that I have not always been the most financially responsible person.  In my younger days, I was known to max out a credit card or two and then stop paying on them.  That's a habit that recently caught up with me when I got a new job and my wages began to be garnished due to an old debt.

I also (stupidly) took out $18,000 in student loans to attend a private college for two years.  After almost a decade of constantly receiving forbearances on my student loans and never actually paying them, that figure has ballooned to $26,000 in student loan debt...for a degree program I never completed.  The balance is so large that my monthly payment doesn't even cover the interest on the loan, so my balance continues to grow on months when I can't afford to send in more than the minimum payment.

All of this has added up to a very low credit score for me.  When I checked my score a few months ago, it was 507, which definitely puts me in the "very poor" credit risk category.  It is pretty much impossible for me to apply for credit and get approved because my credit score is so low.  This has created a real problem for me because I desperately need to get my own car, and I have been unable to get approved for financing because of my low credit score.   I am working on saving up a lot of cash for a larger down payment on the car, but I know that in order to do a lot of what I want to do in life, I need to have better credit.

With that in mind, I have begun to take a few steps which I hope will have a positive effect and dramatically increase my credit score, including:

1. No more forbearances on my student loan.  I am always making at least the minimum payment, and I am trying to send in at least enough money to cover all of the interest each month so that my loan balance does not increase.

2. I created a "cut-off" date of January 2012 in terms of my debt.  I can't go back and fix all of my old debt, but I am paying off all the money I owe as of January 2012 and won't agree to any contracts I can't afford from this point forward.

3.  I got a secured Visa card from CapitalOne.  I have the CreditKarma website to thank for that one.  I was checking my credit score for free and they suggested I could improve my score with a secured credit card.  CapitalOne had pretty good terms and interest rates, so I got a secured credit card with a $300 limit.

I'm hoping that by being responsible, paying my bills on time, and showing that I can manage a credit card, that I will be able to improve my credit score relatively quickly.  507 is a very low score, so I figure it would be hard to do much worse.

Sticking to a budget has never been easy for me, so it will be important to make sure I keep enough money to cover all of my monthly bills while continuing to save for a car.  But, I'd really like to see my credit score at 650 or above by the end of the year.  I'm going to be checking my score regularly, and I will let you know about how things are progressing in the coming months.

Thirty and Balding

One of the things that has really bothered me over the years is my male pattern hair loss.  It started when I was about 22 years old...all of a sudden I noticed that my hair was really thin, and that a bald spot was developing at the top of my head.  A couple of years later, things had gotten so noticeable that I decided to see a dermatologist about my hair loss.

The doctor told me that there were two FDA approved treatments for balding (at the time).  The first was Rogaine--topically applied minoxidil solution.  The second was a pill called Propecia, also known by the generic name finasteride.  At the time, I wanted to stop my hair loss, and my lifestyle didn't allow for a twice-daily topical treatment, so I opted for Propecia.  I took my pills as prescribed for two years, and my hair loss stopped with little side effects.

I lost my job in 2008, and Propecia got too expensive for me, so I stopped taking it.  For a couple of years I didn't notice a difference, but then last year people really began to comment on my thinning hair.  Once other people were noticing my hair loss enough to ask me about it, I knew it was time to do something to regrow my hair.  Here's a few photos of where my hair loss stands today:

My hair is buzzed short in these photos, but as you can see my bald spot is very apparent.  According to the manufacturer, minoxidil solution is the only FDA-approved treatment that is clinically proven to regrow hair, so I have decided to give Rogaine a try.  I started using Rogaine solution (and later Rogaine foam) on Feburary 4, 2013.  These pictures were taken on February 28, 2013.  So far, I have not noticed my hair growing back, but the maker of Rogaine says that it can take 4 months to see results. For me, that means that I should start to notice something by early June 2013.

We'll see how it goes.  So far, I've been very faithful about using Rogaine twice a day.  There was only one day in the past month that I missed a single application--which the manufacturer says should not affect my hair regrowth outcome.  I bought a bottle of the solution before I bought the Rogaine foam, so I switch back and forth between the minoxidil products depending on what I am doing for the day.  If I need to look clean and ready for work, I'll use the foam...but if I'm just lounging around the house and it doesn't matter if my hair looks wet for awhile, I will use the Rogaine solution.  Both products contain 5% minoxidil as the active ingredient so it shouldn't really make a difference switching between the two.

I am really hoping this works.  I have been very self-conscious about my hair loss recently, and I hope that my investment in this treatment was worth the money.  So far, I haven't had any side effects from the Rogaine, and it fits into my daily routine easily for the most part.  I will keep you posted of any changes...and I hope to have some amazing "after" photos of a full head of hair to show you in a couple of months!

Up & Down the Scale We Go

Weight has always been a struggle for me.  I've never been very athletic, and I've always seemed to have some "baby fat" on me which....let's face it....isn't baby fat at the age of 30.  I've made a few serious attempts at losing weight over the years, but nothing has lasted longer than a month or two.

The one time in my life where I can remember being at a healthy weight and "feeling skinny" was several years ago when I was a strict vegan.  I adopted a vegan diet for animal rights reasons, and over the course of six months, I went from 190 pounds to right around 150 lbs.  That's a significant weight loss!  I looked and I felt great.

For a variety of personal reasons, I went back to an omnivorous diet, and over the next couple of years, all the weight I had lost slowly came back--and then some.  At the end of 2012, I found myself dangerously close to the 200 pound mark, which is a point which I've always told myself I would never let my weight reach.

At the end of January, I decided it was finally time to get serious about tackling my weight problem.  A vegan diet isn't a good fit for me, and I felt like I needed something that would allow me to eat foods that are more familiar.  I decided that the Weight Watchers diet plan would be a good fit for me, so I went out and bought everything I would need to faithfully follow the plan.

As soon as I started Weight Watchers and tracking my PointsPlus values, the weight literally started to just drop off of my body.  In the first week, I lost almost 6 pounds, and at the end of a month I was down 13.5 pounds.  I was so proud of my success!

Then, maybe a week and a half ago, I just stopped.  I got lazy and didn't feel like using my tracker one day, so I just didn't.  Then the next day, too.  And the next day....you know how the story goes.  I've put back on about two pounds....I'm happy it's not more, but I know it was my lack of discipline that caused any weight gain at all.

Yesterday was supposed to be my first "serious" day back on Weight Watchers, but I got invited out to dinner and a couple of cocktails later, I had blown my Points for several days.  "Oh well," I thought, "Back on track tomorrow." :-/

Now it's today, and I'm hoping I can have a better day.  I'm going to start a fresh Weight Watchers week, so I can just make sure I'm doing well from here on out.  Stay tuned to see how it goes.

Welcome and Hello!

Hi everyone.  My name is Robert, and I am a 30 year old, (mostly) inexperienced blogger living in the Baltimore area.  A lot has happened in the first three decades of my life, as I'm sure you can imagine.  The big three-o certainly snuck up on me, and here I find myself, approaching middle-age.

I'm not at all where I want to be in life.  I could give you a laundry list of problems: I'm overweight, I don't make enough money, I have no car, I'm single, I smoke cigarettes....the list could go on and on.  To be honest, most of these "problems" are things I could fix myself.

I tell myself constantly that I will change things...that "tomorrow will be different."  It's like my theme song....it's why I titled this blog the way I did.  But I'm not getting any younger, and I feel like life keeps passing me by as I put off tackling these issues head on.

I've decided that 2013 is the year I finally get my shit together and start to turn my life around.  I've said it before, but something seems different this time.  So different, as a matter of fact, that I've decided to blog about it.  I'm going to dive into overcoming my issues head first, and I'm going to write about every step of the way. So join me on my journey as I try my best to change my life.  It's bound to be a bumpy & entertaining ride!